November 2010
3 posts
Fetal Alcohol Bullshit
What I learned tonight is that chances are, if your parents aren’t fucking squares, your mother drank while you were pregnant. Quote: “If you get a little shit-faced, it isn’t like your baby is just going to die right there, or even the next morning. Anyone who acts like that is full of shit.” All of that, of course, was with the understanding that shit-facing wasn’t...
The Babe Ruth
When the party sucks, start a fight. Just make sure you’re impressive at it. I don’t mean you have to be good, make an impression. For instance, right before the fight, look your opponent dead in the eyes and Babe Ruth which part of their body you’re going to take with you.
Ex: “Hey, listen, I don’t wanna do this, but *points to left eyelid* I’m taking that...
Week One
Just because you associate with someone doesn’t mean you are them. That whole, “You are who you hang with” line is bullshit. You are who you are. Those people doing lines of cocaine off of dead hookers and getting back-alley abortions (especially in the same night) are the best people to hang out with because you aren’t going to make their mistakes and you reap the...